Nazia Mallick

As we go through life, we lose many things. We lose friends, relatives, parents, looks, youth, wealth, health, jobs, reputation, possibilities, opportunities, love and at the end of it all, life itself. There is just a translucent veil that separates the peaceful, unaffected life from the one that goes suddenly wrong. In any given second the veil tears down with the sudden gush of crisis and pull us inside the murkiness of sudden grief.

Of course most of us never think about this, because if we did, we would never plan or dream; in fact we would never get out of bed.   Read more...

Remember how when were little, we asked those "plausible" questions: "Why doesn’t the moon fall out of the sky?," "Why can’t we see the ghosts?"

And then, as we grew older, the growth hormone of our inner child got stunted due to the lack of "awe aerobics" and we forgot to have fun.   Read more...

Are you using diminishing language in your speech and writing?

The law of diminishing returns is defined as: "A point beyond which the application of additional sources yield less than proportional increases in output." In the same way if we use diminishing language in our speech the effect and power of speech 'yield less than proportional increases' in the effect we are trying to achieve.   Read more...

Upon the windowsill of my kitchen, a rectangular patch of sunshine appears everyday. It falls there for a particular time and drifts away when the sun changes its position on the sky. Everyday I watch the play of sunbeams and this makes me wonder, "Why doesn’t nature get bored with the same routine everyday? Such as this patch of sunshine that arrives at the same time at the same spot, plays with my plants and moves on to shower its glory on something else."

Have you wondered why?   Read more...

We all value ourselves. Sometimes we don’t. Relationships are an integral part of our well being, but there are times when we unknowingly allow close relationships to impinge upon who we truly are. Love is a thing of splendor, true, but sometimes even the closest relationships could go askew and stifle us, and that is when we need to examine closely. Are we really letting ourselves go, in a literal way? Is this love or relationship adding to my value, or taking away something from my valued self?

Often there are times when we find ourselves in a Hamlet like situation “to be or not to be” read, ‘to give in or not to give in’ to some of the demands our partner makes on our inner resources.   Read more...

Deep down we all wish to live a rich and enlightened life and that is why we make those resolutions every year, for greater biological efficiency, less disease, increased finances, successful career, and an increasingly better quality of life. It is still not too late. Only a month has passed and there are eleven glorious months left to turn a new leaf, open a new chapter or just quietly revel in the sudden newness of your life.   Read more...

Touch is the first sensation we feel when we come into this world. A child’s mental, emotional and physical well-being initially depends a lot on a tender touch. Doctors insist on a newborn baby being placed immediately on the mother’s bosom to feel her heartbeat and to experience the gentle touch of her arms around the body. This helps the child gain a profound sense of security and it later helps in developing their self-esteem, as an adult.

Touch is a very important sensation for human beings to gain a sense of healthy emotional responses later in life. Every child learns the sensation of love and tenderness first with his mother’s touch. Even plants and animals respond to touch. They grow well, feel nurtured and cared for when they are touched. We bring animals into our homes and call them pet. The word pet is all about petting, touching, indulging and caring.

Touch is the nourishment for our soul. Touch releases the endorphins in the brain and essentially helps us feel good.   Read more...

I asked myself one day, ‘If I had to write an autobiography now, what would be missing from it? What are the things I will need to get done before it takes shape?’

I could hear the sounds of childhood’s supple feet, feather light steps of teenage years, and then the sluggish footsteps of approaching years. The school days, college days, parents, marriage, children, parenting, emotional issues, career planning, separation, break ups, meaningful relationships, meaningless relationships, quarter life crisis.   Read more...

The major clothing and accessory company Nike, made ‘Just do it’ a motto for their brand promotion, created a business empire out of it and are still laughing all the way to the bank! There is no doubt that it makes a wonderful copy. It has that zingy feeling of boldness when said aloud. Many times we also use it in our normal talks ‘Okay, just do it dude…just do it mate… come on, just do it!’

However, we say it unthinkingly. We want to believe in it because it feels good to do so. When it comes to actually applying it, we step back. We hold on to the fear of putting our thought into action. ‘What if it goes wrong? What if I fail? What if I am unable to come out of it?’   Read more...

I believe in a beautiful and useful policy. Meaning, a thing has to be either beautiful or useful, if it is none of these then I just throw it away. Ten times out of ten I have discovered that I never regret trashing them.

The trash in our life includes old clothes, old utensils, old cosmetics, old electronics which do not work, old shoes that hurt and bite, old towels that scratch more than absorb the dampness of our body, tennis balls that have lost their bounce, golf balls with dings, rusty tools, rusty relationships, rusty emotions, old angers, old hostilities, old newspapers, old lovers who still hurt, negative emotions and ghosts of boyfriends/girlfriends past. Yep, all in the same breath.   Read more...

Our mom told us to control our anger, asserting that anger is ‘not a very nice emotion’. If we are depressed or sullenly hostile it was overlooked, but showing anger is considered the shameful thing and I grew up thinking that if we express anger then we are not a polite and well-bred person.

We all know that anger is basically loss of control. When we feel at loss of this power we begin to shout and scream, not knowing how to recapture the authority over the situation. Or some of us just become absolutely quiet, trying to gulp the anger down, in case we look bad in front of others. It is as if by very force of our aggressiveness or passivity, we are deluding ourselves to believe that we are powerful.   Read more...

A friend of mine told me once that she was 'dumped' by her lover of four years through an indifferent email. Needless to say she felt acutely defenseless at that time and had plummeted into the so-called depths of despair, but after a decent mourning period now she feels like the one who has had the good riddance.

'You know Nazia', she jovially confessed, 'Some lovers live happily ever after, some live happily even after!'   Read more...

I often take late night walks. Since parks are risky options, I walk around my colony streets. I take listening walks. Does it sound absurd? Let me explain.

Listening walks are one of the best experiences we can have. It helps to hone our listening skills. It helps us to be alert and get fine tuned to the various sounds of life, which we do not take into account during our rush hours. It helps us to practice being more attentive, intuitive, wakeful and connected to the life around us. It helps us to become a person who listens.   Read more...

I have always maintained that one needs to ‘Unlearn’ more about Islam than ‘Learn’ about it, as there are more prevalent conjectures about Islam than any real knowledge of its basic tenets.

Most people from different countries have their own version and interpretations of their cultures, but Islam is the only religion which experiences a unanimously iniquitous perception about its doctrines due to lack of information. Islam is understood only through evolving in it, and as one goes through the studies one comes across the true meanings and sensitivities of this religion.   Read more...

There was this very beautiful line that I read in Orhan Pamuk’s novel, ‘My Name Is Red’. He wrote about a blind man watching the snowfall and smiling to himself. That line stayed with me for a long, long time. How could a blind man watch the snow?   Read more...

Sufism is an age-old lyrical path, which is now captivating the attention of ‘New Age Gurus’ and ‘Seekers’ alike. A Sufi is humanity’s most passionate poet and conveys the messages of love and peace through mystical lyrics, music and dance. One of the greatest Sufi poets, Rumi, said that music is the highest expression of love and dance the highest expression of music.   Read more...

Is Love truly a rapture that transforms the very core of one’s being? Is it as deep, transcendent and incredible, as the writers and poets would have us believe?

The question of "what is love?" has put the imaginations of the greatest poets and philosophers in a spin for more than two thousand years and they are still groping for a definite answer… Love, if you ask me, is fundamentally unknowable. The greatest mystery of humankind. Elusive. Hard to define and confine.   Read more...

There are many people I know who just shudder at the thought of being alone. For them, it is akin to being lonely, abandoned, unloved and even rejected by the world at large. Being basically a loner, I am often given funny labels for my intrinsic need to be alone most of the time. Hermit, reclusive, ‘solitary reaper’, self indulgent, weirdo... as you can see, it doesn’t get any better.

Believe me, it is not exactly pretty to explain that ‘alone is not lonely’ but a rather blessed state, and I love my solitude as much as the company of few good people in my life. Some people freak out when I tell them that I frequently go for a movie alone, eat at a restaurant alone and often set out on a vacation alone, without needing or wanting anyone’s company. And I do not consider myself unlovable or rejected by the world when I am enjoying a solitary lunch at my favourite café.   Read more...

Winston Churchill said, “If you are going through hell, keep going.”

This phrase enforces that when the going gets tough, when you are in rough waters; keep your courage, your strength and fight until you achieve victory over the situation that is creating ‘hell’ in your life.   Read more...

Wise men say that one must never lose hope even in times of great crisis.

True, hope is a glorious emotion to feel. It can bring excitement and some form of marvel to life. Hope can be a tremendous motivator.   Read more...

I will start my day with mindfulness. Renew my license to dream.

Refocus. I will not call my problem a problem. I will call it a challenge.   Read more...

“Life doesn’t give you the people you want; instead it gives you the ones you need: to teach you, to hurt you, to love you- to make you exactly the way you should be ”

When we find someone we feel we can connect to in some ways, we are filled with indefinable, rather vague expectations regarding that person. These expectations remain deep inside our sub consciousness, despite our apparent denial.   Read more...

The New Year has arrived. It's time to snuggle and cuddle. To make new wishes; to renew, recharge, refresh and revise. It's that time of the year once again, when every one of us look forward to at least some changes in our lives. We make resolutions that we will lose weight, learn at least one new skill, worry less, exercise more, control our anger and kiss fewer frogs...

With the advent of a new year, new hopes are born, and we secretly wish that this year magic would happen; our life would improve, we will have more money, more success, better career, new house.   Read more...

Oh…how painful it was to discover one day, that snowman melts in the sun. That bruised hearts do not heal as fast as skinned knees. That Sean Connery is unattainable. And, that there is no Santa Claus!

The disappointments were much more when I was growing up emotionally, like happiness is so fickle and pain is so inflexible. That sex is just a consolation for not having love. The recurring disappointments of ‘Ah…I thought he was “the one”.   Read more...

They often press their little faces upon the closed windows of the cars that stop at traffic signals. Their snotty noses, dirty feet and vanquished faces tell their story without many words. These are the street children who beg at traffic signals, running between cars and other vehicles and braving the harsh Delhi winter in tattered clothes and bare feet.

India has the largest population of street children in the world. At least eighteen million children live or work on the streets of urban India, laboring as porters at bus or railway terminals; as mechanics in informal auto-repair shops; as vendors of food, tea, or handmade articles; as street tailors; or as rag pickers, picking through heaps of garbage and selling usable materials to local buyers.   Read more...

She taught us Shelly, Byron, Milton and Keats at college; and the passion with which she recited the verses and described their meanings at length, would often leave me breathless. Her eyes would shine behind her glasses and her gaunt face would turn pink while reciting Shelley’s I Arise From Dreams Of Thee.

Our mouths agape we used to watch her sway on her feet while the words just poured through her lips. "O, lift me from the grass, I die, I faint, I fall…"   Read more...

The popular saying, “Sleep over your problems” is not a cliché. Latest research shows that sleeping over a problem is the best thing to do when you are ridden with doubts. This theory has a sound scientific basis. When you are faced with hard choices and the problem is so overwhelming that it defies every logic or calculations, just go to bed and let your gut instinct become active. A modicum of research evidence suggests that unguarded cerebral activity may do a better job than the conscious raking of brain, to find a solution for your problem.

There are basically two modes of thought: Conscious and Unconscious. In conscious thoughts we contemplate a particular issue or question, mentally list all the relevant information, weigh up all the pros and cons, and then come to a rational decision.   Read more...

‘A sense of wonder, so indestructible that it would last throughout life, as an unfailing antidote against the boredom and disenchantments of later years - is the best gift one could bestow on oneself.’ ~ Rachel Carson

What snuffs out our sense of wonder? What kills that inner child in us?

A night at seaside revealed to me, splendors of ‘the ordinary joys’.   Read more...

Have you ever felt a loss? Not the conventionally defined ones like the loss of health, a loved one, or money. I mean, a loss of self.

Have you ever felt this pesky feeling of being away from your own being. Feeling like a stranger who has lost his way and is standing at the precipice of sanity, in danger of plunging into deeper dungeons of the horrible demands of life?   Read more...

Ask this question and most people would prevaricate and flounder with their answers. I have observed that people don’t hesitate when they are admitting to being satisfied with their job, life, and marriage. They would readily admit to having fun. But happy in the true sense? Well, it could always be better…a guarded look follows the shrug.

Why is it so hard to admit that we are happy?   Read more...

This is one of those words, which our mom taught us, before we went to school and learned it in our ‘Rapid English Reader’ book. Say sorry when you make a mistake. Say sorry even when you have not made a mistake because in some way it was your fault that the other person was hurt.

It seeped into the subconscious so deeply that often I found myself saying sorry to tables and chairs and doors if I dashed against it while walking carelessly. “Ouch! Sorry.”   Read more...

There comes a time in life, when we must walk away from some of the unfinished things in our lives. When we must renew our license to dream as it does reach an expiry date after getting relegated or thwarted repeatedly. It also helps to know this fact that every dream has a ‘past its sell-by date’. Knowing this helps us to discard the old and make room for new dreams, and look at the horizon with a bright new hope.   Read more...

Would you sugarcoat your words?

When conversing with one another we try to project truth but how often is the bitter truth disguised as what they say, “ sugar coated pills?” In a direct conversation, the energies are fully conscious, regenerative and articulate, but there is a set of laws that contributes to the archetypal structure of talks.

These set of laws are about being polite, being discreet, politically correct (in some circumstances) and being diplomatic in one’s speech. For example if I need to say something unpleasant to someone I would use the “ indirect speech” such as “ I think we must ‘reconsider’ our relationship, it is hurting both of us.” Rather than “I have stopped loving you, and I want you out from my life.” When I imagine myself at the receiving end of both the ways, I know which one I would prefer!   Read more...

“You will need to marry five men then."

Said Mama, with a poker face and without looking at me. She kept knitting calmly while I sat there with my mouth agape. I looked at her expressionless face and noticed the suppressed smile hovering at the corner of her mouth. From her face, I gauged that she was aware of my torrent of questions that she knew would follow her declaration, and was waiting for me to speak first.

This happened some two decades ago, when arranged marriages were quite prevalent in India and mama told me that they have looked for a match and I must be prepared to get married soon.   Read more...